Sunday, June 11, 2017

Passion Assassin

How do you kill a girl’s sex drive? Marry her. —Anonymous

The woman had been plagued by loss of libido for the greater part of her 25 year marriage. She described her husband as an overall good man, but one that insisted on exercising authority over his wife, all the while neglecting to make her feel loved, cherished, and sexy. There was little to no intimacy. The emphasis was on her submitting. Sex was defined by his pleasure, not hers. He considered her diminished libido totally her problem; her fault. He even sent her to a sex therapist. Needless to say she was surprised when after her patriarchal husband experienced an untimely death, her sex drive re-emerged in overdrive. This was a true story.

A woman’s healthy sex drive is linked directly to her husband’s loving, masculine lead; diminishing drive to its abdication. As Karen Brody explains in Open Her*, "When you don’t lead yourself and your life or take the lead with the woman you love, you leave a vacuum of masculine leadership. That empty space feels unsettling to a woman, so she will step in. She’ll become directional and pointed. She’ll make the plans, tell you what to wear, choose your dentist, police your diet. And while you might think this is sort of a nice perk, I assure you she won’t want to devour you at the end of the day. Assigning a woman the role of taking care of you triggers a mothering instinct in her. This does not make her feel sexy or turned on; it makes her feel like your caregiver. You become a job, a responsibility –one of the children. It’s wonderful to be blessed by this aspect of a woman’s loving, but you don’t want it to be the primary way she relates to you. Women do not have sex with their children!"

Interestingly, BDSM practitioners in their erotic power-play seem to grasp this masculine-feminine dynamic better than many Christians. To the uninformed, what appears to be a “Dom” or dominant male abusing a “Sub” or submissive female, is in reality a performance at the request of the Sub. In BDSM, Subs are in control. The Dom only acts by permission. The Dom's careful and loving domination turns the Sub on. And while BDSM may seem strange to many, its play requires a high level of communication and intimacy, relational aspects critical to the female psyche. Patriarchy types who obsess over male authority in marriage would do well to take this to heart, for these are the same dynamics that should be at play in Christian marriages, but are often missing.

Are you turning your wife on? Are you focused on increasing her sexual pleasure even if it costs you yours? Are you riveted on building intimacy with your wife? Are you determined to learn how to open her? Studies suggest men experience three orgasms to women's every one. According to surveys, sexual satisfaction in marriage is much lower for women than men. And this is probably an understatement because it's the tendency of a women to judge her pleasure by her man's experience. Orgasm and pleasure inequality is probably much worse. The default in marriage is for sex to be man-centric, Christian or not. In Christian marriages women often endure this man-centricity in the name of submission, rationalizing that to expect anything better would amount to marriage idolatry. Sad.

The oft-repeated instruction in Holy Writ is for wives to submit to their husbands; not for husbands to exercise authority over their wives. A hot, harmonious, loving relationship can only come about with a consenting wife. The Dom is servant to his Sub. And, just as a Dom serves his Sub by acting Dom, husbands are to serve their feminine wives by acting masculine: providing solid direction, leadership, and passionate love. Robust masculinity is the only thing that will turn her on.

* OPEN HER: Activate 7 masculine Powers to Arouse Your Woman’s Love and Desire by Karen Brody

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Christian Women Love Alpha-Males

Spend time in community with other Christians and you will eventually encounter the phenomenon of a Christian woman in relationship with a professed non-Christian man, or perhaps a minimal professor of the Faith at most. Why does this happen?  Shouldn’t a true Christian woman only be attracted to a “godly man?”  To answer this question we must look at how we were formed by our Creator; how we were made to tick as male and female.
Genesis 3:16 should become as familiar to you as John 3:16. Both verses are foundational to our being. A correct understanding of both is critical for life in the now, though you will probably never see someone on TV holding up a Genesis 3:16 sign at the Super Bowl.  This is the complete verse:
To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
For the topic under discussion we will only focus on the last part of the verse: “your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

It is important to understand that in this divinely recorded incident God is instituting the feminine – masculine bond.  What He is doing is transforming the nature of Eve such that she will be under increased physical constraint to desire masculinity in her husband, and her husband by implication will now be under constraint to behave in accordance with Eve’s new hyper-femininity.  He’d better be masculine.  Consequently, by natural generation all women share the same nature as Eve, and all men the same nature as Adam.  Male – Female created he them.
This is why Christian women are attracted to what are commonly labeled “Alpha-Males.”  An Alpha-Male by definition exudes masculine traits, usually revolving around strong leadership which answers directly to a woman’s feminine needs, needs such as a sense of security and direction. An Alpha-Male also possesses a confidence to dominate his woman in a loving sense, not pandering to her every whim.  Women want to be highly valued, vigorously romanced, and confidently pursued in a sexual way.  In these areas, Alpha-Males excel.
Alpha-Males tend to be found more outside the Church than within, due to the feminizing culture that pervades the Church of our day.  An emphasis on equality of the sexes has led to the repression and disregard of both the feminine and masculine.  Female and male distinctives are not taught.  As a result, men do not know how to respond to women, nor women to men due to lack of understanding.  For example, in a chapter of What Women Want When They Test Men: How to Decode Female Behavior, Pass a Woman’s Tests, and Attract Women Through Authenticity, author Bruce Bryans describes the radically different responses three men produced when tested by a woman.  Why did the three men respond so differently?  Bryans explains why: 

"The main difference lies in how these men think and respond to a strange and sometimes misunderstood aspect of a woman’s behavior: the subconscious need to test a man to determine his capability to lead and capacity to love her."

What Bryans describes as an innate womanly trait – the subconscious need to test a man – the Church would commonly label lack of submission.  A Christian man would tend to avoid such a woman rather than rise to her challenge and pass the test.  Christian men are overwhelmingly afraid of confident women, partly because man’s natural desire to rule is often ridiculed as tyranny, within the Church.  They are not taught to confidently and attractively rule.  Not that both feminine and masculine traits can be abusive when taken to extremes, but the modern pursuit of equality is attempting to abolish both male and female.  Christian women are being stranded and left single in the Church, bereft of romantic, masculine men.

Christian women rightly desire Alpha-Males.  The Church must expend every effort to bring them back from extinction.