Monday, August 7, 2017

Continuous Seduction

“If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife.”   Exodus 22:16

Unmarried men will often do anything to attract women, specifically to get sex.  All too commonly marriage is not in the picture.  Whether they are conscious of it or not, men are internally driven to be fruitful and multiply, so they eagerly seek out help to learn the art of seduction.  Don't believe me?  Just search "seduce women" on Amazon and you will be greeted with a long list of top selling books.  This one popped up first for me: "Seduce Her With Text: The Gentleman's Guide To Texting Her All The Way To The Bedroom."

Make no mistake, seduction solely for the purpose of getting sex is unloving.  It is explicitly wrong outside of marriage.  But don't automatically conclude the art of seduction does not have its rightful place.

It's critically important that an unmarried man sexually impress the woman who could potentially become his wife.  It's critical that he be able to turn her on.  Turning her on should be a huge part of his driving ambition, even as the higher part is to convince her to marry him with the smile of God.  Recognize, that even though not yet married, it is perfectly right and expected that both the man and the woman be chomping at the bit to have sex.  Sexual desire is a good thing (Before we were married, my wife and I used to have the car windows completely fogged up in the church parking lot! Lol).  The wedding day should mark the beginning of a long journey learning how to make mutually explosive love.  To be clear, the honey moon does not represent the summum bonum for sex.  It is simply Day One in the life long school of romance.  Nevertheless, at the time of marriage the groom should already be highly skilled in the art of seduction.

Mastery of seduction — the art of getting a woman to highly desire sex from you — should be a man's continuous life ambition.  Most emphatically it's not an ambition to be shelved after the wedding bells have been rung.  A husband should continuously be improving his skill at seducing his wife, even more as the years go by.  Seduction should be considered a major part of Christ's command for husbands to love their wives.  Turning her on and fulfilling her sexual needs should be seen as a large part of the privilege of being her husband, til death do you part.  Toward that end, husbands should be continuously active performing searches on Amazon, not just single men.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Passion Assassin

How do you kill a girl’s sex drive? Marry her. —Anonymous

The woman had been plagued by loss of libido for the greater part of her 25 year marriage. She described her husband as an overall good man, but one that insisted on exercising authority over his wife, all the while neglecting to make her feel loved, cherished, and sexy. There was little to no intimacy. The emphasis was on her submitting. Sex was defined by his pleasure, not hers. He considered her diminished libido totally her problem; her fault. He even sent her to a sex therapist. Needless to say she was surprised when after her patriarchal husband experienced an untimely death, her sex drive re-emerged in overdrive. This was a true story.

A woman’s healthy sex drive is linked directly to her husband’s loving, masculine lead; diminishing drive to its abdication. As Karen Brody explains in Open Her*, "When you don’t lead yourself and your life or take the lead with the woman you love, you leave a vacuum of masculine leadership. That empty space feels unsettling to a woman, so she will step in. She’ll become directional and pointed. She’ll make the plans, tell you what to wear, choose your dentist, police your diet. And while you might think this is sort of a nice perk, I assure you she won’t want to devour you at the end of the day. Assigning a woman the role of taking care of you triggers a mothering instinct in her. This does not make her feel sexy or turned on; it makes her feel like your caregiver. You become a job, a responsibility –one of the children. It’s wonderful to be blessed by this aspect of a woman’s loving, but you don’t want it to be the primary way she relates to you. Women do not have sex with their children!"

Interestingly, BDSM practitioners in their erotic power-play seem to grasp this masculine-feminine dynamic better than many Christians. To the uninformed, what appears to be a “Dom” or dominant male abusing a “Sub” or submissive female, is in reality a performance at the request of the Sub. In BDSM, Subs are in control. The Dom only acts by permission. The Dom's careful and loving domination turns the Sub on. And while BDSM may seem strange to many, its play requires a high level of communication and intimacy, relational aspects critical to the female psyche. Patriarchy types who obsess over male authority in marriage would do well to take this to heart, for these are the same dynamics that should be at play in Christian marriages, but are often missing.

Are you turning your wife on? Are you focused on increasing her sexual pleasure even if it costs you yours? Are you riveted on building intimacy with your wife? Are you determined to learn how to open her? Studies suggest men experience three orgasms to women's every one. According to surveys, sexual satisfaction in marriage is much lower for women than men. And this is probably an understatement because it's the tendency of a women to judge her pleasure by her man's experience. Orgasm and pleasure inequality is probably much worse. The default in marriage is for sex to be man-centric, Christian or not. In Christian marriages women often endure this man-centricity in the name of submission, rationalizing that to expect anything better would amount to marriage idolatry. Sad.

The oft-repeated instruction in Holy Writ is for wives to submit to their husbands; not for husbands to exercise authority over their wives. A hot, harmonious, loving relationship can only come about with a consenting wife. The Dom is servant to his Sub. And, just as a Dom serves his Sub by acting Dom, husbands are to serve their feminine wives by acting masculine: providing solid direction, leadership, and passionate love. Robust masculinity is the only thing that will turn her on.

* OPEN HER: Activate 7 masculine Powers to Arouse Your Woman’s Love and Desire by Karen Brody

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Christian Women Love Alpha-Males

Spend time in community with other Christians and you will eventually encounter the phenomenon of a Christian woman in relationship with a professed non-Christian man, or perhaps a minimal professor of the Faith at most. Why does this happen?  Shouldn’t a true Christian woman only be attracted to a “godly man?”  To answer this question we must look at how we were formed by our Creator; how we were made to tick as male and female.
Genesis 3:16 should become as familiar to you as John 3:16. Both verses are foundational to our being. A correct understanding of both is critical for life in the now, though you will probably never see someone on TV holding up a Genesis 3:16 sign at the Super Bowl.  This is the complete verse:
To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
For the topic under discussion we will only focus on the last part of the verse: “your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

It is important to understand that in this divinely recorded incident God is instituting the feminine – masculine bond.  What He is doing is transforming the nature of Eve such that she will be under increased physical constraint to desire masculinity in her husband, and her husband by implication will now be under constraint to behave in accordance with Eve’s new hyper-femininity.  He’d better be masculine.  Consequently, by natural generation all women share the same nature as Eve, and all men the same nature as Adam.  Male – Female created he them.
This is why Christian women are attracted to what are commonly labeled “Alpha-Males.”  An Alpha-Male by definition exudes masculine traits, usually revolving around strong leadership which answers directly to a woman’s feminine needs, needs such as a sense of security and direction. An Alpha-Male also possesses a confidence to dominate his woman in a loving sense, not pandering to her every whim.  Women want to be highly valued, vigorously romanced, and confidently pursued in a sexual way.  In these areas, Alpha-Males excel.
Alpha-Males tend to be found more outside the Church than within, due to the feminizing culture that pervades the Church of our day.  An emphasis on equality of the sexes has led to the repression and disregard of both the feminine and masculine.  Female and male distinctives are not taught.  As a result, men do not know how to respond to women, nor women to men due to lack of understanding.  For example, in a chapter of What Women Want When They Test Men: How to Decode Female Behavior, Pass a Woman’s Tests, and Attract Women Through Authenticity, author Bruce Bryans describes the radically different responses three men produced when tested by a woman.  Why did the three men respond so differently?  Bryans explains why: 

"The main difference lies in how these men think and respond to a strange and sometimes misunderstood aspect of a woman’s behavior: the subconscious need to test a man to determine his capability to lead and capacity to love her."

What Bryans describes as an innate womanly trait – the subconscious need to test a man – the Church would commonly label lack of submission.  A Christian man would tend to avoid such a woman rather than rise to her challenge and pass the test.  Christian men are overwhelmingly afraid of confident women, partly because man’s natural desire to rule is often ridiculed as tyranny, within the Church.  They are not taught to confidently and attractively rule.  Not that both feminine and masculine traits can be abusive when taken to extremes, but the modern pursuit of equality is attempting to abolish both male and female.  Christian women are being stranded and left single in the Church, bereft of romantic, masculine men.

Christian women rightly desire Alpha-Males.  The Church must expend every effort to bring them back from extinction.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Erotic Reformation

An often overlooked impetus of the Reformation was Luther's bashing of celibacy and emphatic promotion of marriage in its stead; marriage, take note, in a day without the Pill.  This had the effect of emptying the monasteries and convents of the day.  Luther started a sexual revolution; in marriage the repressed passions of the men and women found legitimate expression.  This sexual aspect added tremendous force to what we commonly look at today as a purely doctrinal event.  It's highly probable Luther's 95 Theses would have had little effect apart from the 69.

Consider, the Song of Songs is notorious for its explicit portrayal of erotic sex between a man and a woman, and it is not even clear if the two lovers are married.  The emphasis is not on the marriage covenant, but instead the erotic love.  Perhaps the Song's emphasis is the sole reason our Creator providentially placed it in our bibles, to counteract our tendency toward the opposite: celibacy and prudery.

In the opening of Paul's letter to the Romans, he specifically notes the fallout from godlessness as it relates to sexual relations: 

“...for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.”       Romans 1:26-27 NASB

Notice in these verses the emphasis is not on lesbianism or homosexuality as is commonly taught, but on the shunning of childbirth by both women and men.  The gist of the passage has as much to do with Christian women and men who avoid marriage and children, as the lesbian women or gay men who regularly catch the brunt of this exposited verse.

Hot sex and children are to go hand and hand.

That said, it is doubtful we will ever see a powerful resurgence of the Gospel without a corresponding resurgence of erotic Christian marriage; marriage that in addition to producing mutual orgasmic romance, also produces children to replicate the love.

This, is what Christ will honor.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

That Wonderful Urge

Women overwhelmingly want to get married.  They long for the love of a man.  According to research on the romance fiction industry compiled by Romance Writers of America:

—Estimated annual total sales value of romance in 2013: $1.08 billion
—Romance unit share of adult fiction: 13%
—Who is the romance book buyer?  Female: 84%

84 percent of the billion dollar a year romance book market is female!  If you will know a tree by its fruit, then clearly woman is a tree with a wonderful urge, to quote the title of the 1948 romance comedy which starred Tyrone Power and Gene Tierney.  Make no mistake, this urge is wonderful.  Surprisingly though, we should have known this without the statistics.  The wonderful urge is embedded in Genesis 3:16:

To the woman He said,
“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.”

Let's consider woman and this wonderful urge.

To properly analyze anything specific in Genesis 3:14-19 we must consider everything as interrelated, a sort of ecosystem.  In Genesis 3:14-19 sin has now entered the realm of man and woman.  To compensate for this change, our Great Physician moves in to temporarily salvage woman, man, and mission;  salvage them until a later date when He will ultimately make all things new.  He does this by way of remedial punishments.  To quote the 16th-century Italian theologian, Peter Martyr: "The punishments inflicted by God are the remedies and the restraints of our vitiated nature."  With this in mind, we see the Lord proceeds to delve out specific punishments to each of the parties involved, starting with the serpent; then the woman; then the man.   We are only concerned about the woman, specifically the implications of "your desire will be for your husband”.  In the first Woman is generally comprehended all women, married and unmarried.

Recall, that in the beginning The Lord had said to the first couple: “Be fruitful and multiply”.  The creation design was that the man and woman would replicate the image of God through successive  generations until the whole earth swarmed with daughters and sons of God.  The Lord still wants this swarm to take place, even after sin has infected the system.  However, due to the reality of death that sin introduced, and the nature of sin in woman and man, additional helps needed to be introduced, similar to Paul’s necessary thorn in the flesh.  One of the additives was increased pain in childbirth for woman, another was an increase in the number of conceptions.  In an age with no contraceptives, one would think this added travail would turn all women away from marriage—and it probably would barring an added stimulant.  Enter romantic drive: “Yet your desire will be for your husband."  This  impetus implanted by the Lord was necessary to keep woman on the right trajectory in regards to the original mission.  Consequently, this stimulus could explain why some women tend to stick with abusive husbands.  I was once in a group being interviewed for jury duty in a domestic abuse case.  As potential jurors, we were each asked the specific question: “Do you think a husband hitting a wife is ever justified?”  I remember the stunning response of one particular woman: “My husband beats me up all the time.  I don’t like the beating up, but I sure like the making up!"  As one commenter on a blog post said in reference to a similar scenario: "Hope springs eternal."  It is a divine impulse that drives her on.  Consider the words of Saint Paul: "But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married..." (1 Timothy 5:11)  Again, Peter Martyr: "It is the decidedly pleasing thing to have children and to become a mother, but God does not wish it to be given to the woman without agony.  When, therefore, every day we either see or hear them give birth in pain, it is for us a symbol and certain indication of the sin of womankind.  But after the affliction, so much happiness at the birth of a baby seizes the woman...that the mother forgets previous calamities and at once seeks again the embraces of the husband."

Unfortunately, the contraceptives and pain-free labor of our day have clouded our vision of God's word in regards to women and marriage.  For instance, studies have actually shown how labor pain beneficially affects the way a mother relates to her child from birth on (see Mom: The Transformation of Motherhood in Modern America by Rebecca Jo Plant).  Likewise, the pregnancy and labor pains of a wife are calculated to have a tenderizing effect on the husband who hates to see his beloved suffer.  Consequently, it was because of the dangers and sacrifice which historically were associated with motherhood, that mothers used to be looked at in a similar vein as soldiers by society at large.  In better days they were seen as heroines.  It goes without saying, apart from women and that wonderful urge, we'd probably have no history at all.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015


When it comes to forming marriages, churches ought to be catalysts: a person or thing that precipitates an event.

Scratch that, churches ought to be hyper-catalysts.

John relates how the miracle-working Jesus first showed up—of all places—at a wedding, notoriously turning water into wine.  Less notorious was his arrangement of the wedding in the first place.  Jesus brought a specific woman to a specific man.  Afterwards, he facilitated the party already in play.  Notice he didn't make coffee.

John's story alludes back to the Beginning when our Matchmaker Lord arranged the first wedding.  The Lord brought a specific woman to a specific man, and the solitary-aware Adam experienced a similar turning of water into wine.  According to Eugene Peterson's Message, Adam first sees Eve and freaks:

“Finally! Bone of my bone,
    flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
    for she was made from Man.”

Somewhere churches lost the wonder.

Somewhere churches lost the excitement.

Somewhere churches lost the priority plan.

Churches lost sight of our Lord's hyper-passion for holy matrimony and its fruit—holy children.  Marriage has been eclipsed by a passion for evangelism, despite the obvious reality that a person must first be born of flesh in order to later be born of the Spirit.  As Paul said, “[T]he spiritual is not first, but the natural; then the spiritual.”

Churches need to get back in the Game.  A specific man needs a specific woman before he needs a specific, well-paying job.  It’s couples that generally achieve earthly success in God’s eye, not the individual as glorified in our day.  Churches need to re-catch the vision of our Holy Matchmaker.  They need to become catalysts for a holy marriage revolution and put the first things of our Lord first.

Is your church hyperactively promoting the formation of holy marriages?

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Ashley Madison: Where There's Smoke, There's Fire

If anything, the recent Ashley Madison hack should make us stop and realize, sexual lust in men is common.  Much less common is the bridling of that lust, and instead turning sexual desire into its righteous course.  I'm sure the hack simply reveals the tip of the iceberg.

The church is much to blame.

When the Lord said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”, he most certainly did not mean Adam needed a sex goddess.  Eve was not formed to wait around for Adam in provocative lingerie.  Nevertheless, a sexual outlet was part of the plan.

As Martin Luther pointed out, the command to be fruitful and multiply was more than just a lifeless command, it was the infusing of sexual desire.  That desire has a legitimate outlet.  It is not found in the mind-altering fantasy world of romance novels or in the virtual world of porn sites.  It is found in the marriage bed of husband and wife and the making of disciples for Christ.

In TO THE KNIGHTS OF THE TEUTONIC ORDER: AN EXHORTATION That They Lay Aside False Chastity And Take Upon Them The True Chastity Of Wedlock, Martin Luther illustrated the rampant immorality of his day as a result of marriage not being actively promoted by the Church.  In fact, celibacy was touted by church leaders as ideal, the way to be more useful to God.  Sorta like common exhortations to singles in our churches today.  The result, also like our day,  was widespread immorality among the mostly celibate church leaders and society (Luther was a former monk).  Women and men were shut up in the convents and monasteries, along with their passions.

The Reformation in large part was a setting the captives free.  It was e-Harmony on steroids.

As men and women we are sexual by design, and we have been Divinely given a sexual mission to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth.  Toward this end, sexual desire is calculated to stir us on.  It is an internal fire with a God-designed path to burn.

We are extinguishing the flame through pornography, romance novels, and sterilized marriage via birth control.

The Church needs another Sexual Reformation.